love letter: to T, B and P

hello loveys. don’t know if you’ll be able to read this, i know you’re all busy nowadays, but anyway here goes..

thank you, thank you, thank you.. time and again, you guys have helped me through some tough days. whether it’s by dropping by (gulpi de gulat!), by letting me vent, by giving advice or simply being there and listening.. it really does help a lot just to know that you’re there. thank you.

T, you recently wrote your own “love letter” to B, saying that you’re a little bit envious of how close she and P were getting. i have to say, i can relate. you know, these past few years there’s this teeny part of me that’s been envious too. sometimes when the four of us are together, i find myself struggling to relate. it’s like i’m on the outside looking in, as you guys talk about common friends i haven’t met, makeup and fashion in which i’m totally clueless, and just basically share more together.

i know it’s not a conscious decision on your part. you would never deliberately shut me out or make me feel left out. it’s just that the changes in our lives in the past few years have been so drastic, specially in mine, that i find myself struggling to keep up, to relate.

i’m not saying this to get sympathy. it was inevitable: our lives have changed and so have we. but this is no sob story really. bear with me, i’m getting to my point now.

in spite of this, i am extremely proud. i’m proud of the fact that after more than a decade of friendship, we are still here. i’m proud of the fact that even after all the things i’ve missed out on in your lives because of my own struggles, you’re still there. i’m proud of the fact that even though we may each make new friends separate from our circle, we still confide in each other when times are tough. i’m proud of the fact that no matter how different we all are from each other, together we are still complete. and lastly, i’m proud of the fact that through the years we’ve grown up, but not grown apart. time and distance have somehow softened their impact on our friendship, and for that i am very thankful.

you guys are the best friends anyone could ever ask for. and with all the ups and downs we’ve gone through together in the past, i guess it’s safe to say that we’ll still be friends 10 years down the road.

so cheers to our differences, which somehow still bring us together and make us whole. every single day i’m happy and thankful that the phrase “out with the old and in with the new” won’t ever apply to us. here’s to 2011, another year of smiles, laughter, fishball sessions, impromptu food trips and photo shoots, beach love, and many more. love you beauties!

love letter: to you who shall not be named

i don’t know what to say.. or to be honest, i don’t know where to start. let me just keep this short then: i hope this coming year will be different. i hope you will be different.

because frankly, i don’t know how to deal with you anymore. it’s like dr. jekyll and mr. hyde – except in your case mr. hyde is about 80% in control. please don’t get me wrong, it’s not that you’re not nice. it’s just that almost everything you do turns out to have a hidden agenda; sometimes it just amazes me how single-minded you can get in trying to achieve what you want.

and even when i’m trying to be a friend and point out what it is exactly that makes people avoid you sometimes, you just don’t listen. as long as you think you’re right, you’re right. nothing else gets through your superb selective hearing.

i just hope that 2011 will bring about some changes. i know i need to be more patient, but i hope that you’ll meet me halfway.

to you who shall not be named, i hope 2011 is the year we truly become friends.

love letter: to my “cool” dad

we’ve always had an unusual relationship. i know that we’ve shocked people in the past, with the way we talk and what we say. I call you an old man, you call me a wiseass. it’s highly likely that they think me disrespectful simply because i tease you for being older than the hills.

i wouldn’t want it any other way though – you taught me that affection can’t be felt through words, but through action. you raised me  to speak up and speak out, and to deal with the consequences of my own choices.

i guess that’s why i’ve always considered you my best friend. even though you can be really strict and sometimes downright scary.. even though you’ve complained time and again that i don’t tell you much about my life, that you’re always the last to know.. and even though i don’t know much about your day to day routine either..

and that’s what some people don’t understand. they wonder how we can seem so close and still remain virtually strangers in some aspects. to them i say: being good friends doesn’t mean knowing the other person’s favorite colors, or what time they get up in the morning, or how they spend their day.

i’m just happy, dad, that you’ve always been there for me. you’re the sole person in my life who has never judged me, yet never been afraid to tell me straight to my face what was wrong. you’ve never minced words when it came to telling me the facts of life, and educated me on the different things i need to work on in my life. and i guess you’re the only one who’s ever made me feel really truly loved – with all my flaws and weaknesses. maybe as my dad, you didn’t have a choice, but then you never made me feel that way either: like i was just an obligation, a responsibility, a burden on your shoulders.

so yeah, we may not swap stories on what we do to fill our days, but we’re still friends. you’re still there for me, in every way that counts. and with all the ups and downs of the past few years, that’s what matters. you have no idea how grateful i am that you’re there.

love you dad.

march 2010, chesca's dedication

love letter: to those we miss

this is the first christmas without you. it seems cruel that we lost both of you this year, it makes it harder to feel the christmas spirit.

ate zen, we were just talking about you the other day. ate bing and david were recalling your story about the styrofoam wedding cake (ahem!), and how you almost served it to the priests. we laughed so hard, our faces were red.

papa, i think about you almost every day. it’s sad that franco hardly says “lolo” anymore when we pass by your picture, but don’t worry when he grows up, we’ll make sure he and chesca get to know you through us.

christmas 2010 is sadder without you. but i hope that you’ll be celebrating with us on christmas eve, happy together and munching on “heavenly” crispy pata.

advance merry christmas! we love you.

at sam's 10th birthday (2008)

love letters for no one (and everyone)

got this idea from my friend T, who has been posting letters to the significant people in her lives on the wall of her facebook account. using just initials to preserve anonymity and add a bit of intrigue, of course. T, pakopya ng idea mo ha.

since the year is almost at an end, i thought it’d be a great idea to say my piece and give my thanks to those who have shared 2010 with me.

time to say thank you, to get some grievances off my chest, to strengthen some ties, to simply let you know how i feel.

don’t care? don’t read it then. but just so you know, you’ll be hearing from me soon.

you make me smile

there are times when things don’t seem to work at all. and on days like this, i can’t help but feel down. good thing i have my reasons to smile: franco and chesca.

three years ago i wouldn’t have even imagined in my wildest dreams that i would be where i am now. and though there are some aspects of my life that i can’t help but wish i could change, i wouldn’t want to be anything other than what i am at heart: a mom.

my reasons to smile are the same reasons for me to wake up each day looking forward to what will happen next.

what new words will bubu learn, what new tricks has he got up his sleeve? he has a certain mischievous smile, when he does something he knows is not allowed. he looks over his shoulder to see if someone’s watching, his eyes twinkling, and even though you know you should give him a sermon, you can’t help but laugh. he’s so affectionate too, waking up with a smile and a kiss, ready to play.

 

bubu running to mommy

 

our little piglet chesca has her own brand of charm too. with her not-so-toothy grin that has her dimples popping out, and her arms out for a hug, she just loves to be cuddled. she’ll just lie quietly in your arms as you hug and kiss her to pieces. when she laughs, it’s music to our ears.  and when she sees someone eating, she’ll come close with arms outstretched and mouth open, just ready for food to be popped in.

 

chesca's version of "peekaboo"

thank you for making mommy smile. i love you both to bits!!

feeling the jogging blues

yesterday, i was finally able to get some exercise – after three long years! hubby invited me to go jogging with him after lunch at the nearby park. i jumped at the chance. of course, he also enticed me with the prospect of fishballs and gulaman afterwards, so i wasn’t really 100% after the exercise. haha..

it really hit home how much i’ve changed physically. in my pre-franco days, i could have jogged 4 or 5 rounds straight. yesterday, i barely made it to three rounds – in easy half-brisk walking, half-jogging stages, to boot!

another thing to be bummed about: that my stamina is so far below what it used to be. i think if i tried playing badminton it’d be the same story. i used to be able to play for an hour or two of fast-paced badminton, without much feeling the strain. now, i don’t think i’d last 15 minutes. boo!!

still, i’m stoked that at least i’ve made a start. even though i woke up this morning feeling like i ran 10k, with my calves protesting from apparent abuse, i’m glad that i made the effort. hopefully this is the start of me getting fab and fit once again. sana lang wag akong tamarin.. haha!

badminton, anyone?

diet tips, anyone?

getting older isn’t as bad as it sometimes sounds. i’m a year and a few months away from hitting the big 3-0, and so far i’m still feeling as young at heart as i did a decade ago. of course, my life has changed drastically since then, but those are mostly lifestyle changes.

except, of course, physically. and no, i don’t mean arthritis or creaking joints or any other ailments associated with old age. aside from getting tired a bit more easily, which i attribute to zero exercise for the past three years, everything’s still pretty much A-okay.

except for my weight. call me superficial, but i’m starting to really get bothered. i don’t know if it’s just a sign of aging, with my metabolism slowing down, or if it’s because i have two kids already, or the zero exercise that i mentioned, or an irritating combination of all three. or maybe even the simple fact that my appetite and enjoyment of food hasn’t died down since high school days. in fact, i love to eat even more than ever.

here are the stats: in my dalaga days, the heaviest i’ve ever been was 122 pounds. now, i’m almost at 140. and my waistline, which used to be 25-26, is now at 31 inches.

spectacular! amazing! depressing!

when i joke about it with my friends, they try to console me by pointing out that i have two kids already. and that with the way i eat, i should even be far heavier than i am today. should i be happy with that? i’m not.

and these days, i feel so much more insecure than i’ve ever been. i’ve always had low self esteem, but with so many people taking note of my weight (some less tactfully than others), it’s at rock-bottom at the moment.

so even though it isn’t time for it yet traditionally, here’s my resolution: start exercising. and though i can’t diet yet (chesca’s still 100% breastfed), be more conscious about my eating habits. (hey, when did i ever start thinking that eating four or more solid meals a day was good for me?) accept criticisms and comments about my weight gain more gracefully. after all, it is a fact.

here’s to greeting 2011 with a healthier and (hopefully) lighter me. tips, anyone?

dec 4, 2010. braso, anyone?

chesca’s DIY party

when our first child, franco, turned one in july 2009, we had a big celebration. we had a venue with a great ambiance, we hired a decorator to add more of a party feel to the place, and we got a host/magician too. in short, it was pretty much a hassle-free party. (except maybe for ate bing, who provided the scrumptious fare to fill hungry tummies!) which was a good thing, since i was 4 months pregnant then. hehe..

this time, as chesca’s first birthday rolled around, we decided to take matters into our own hands. after all, how hard could a DIY party be? we had practically everybody we needed in our family: a caterer, a party planner/decorator in the making, a dad with a flair for design and a mom with lots of time on her hands. our house had ample space, and ate bing had all the tables and chairs too. so, back to the question: how hard could throwing a party be? fighting words, and over the next weeks they would come back to haunt me.

the weeks before chesca’s big event was a flurry of activity. i had a long and detailed checklist of things we needed to accomplish. from invitations and tarps, to table centerpieces and balloons, to host and cake and dress, there seemed to be a never-ending parade of details to see to. practically everything, we did ourselves. everybody in the family had a role suited for what they were best at, and everybody pulled it off in style.

even close friends pitched in, helping me make banderitas, pick out prizes at divi and look for different party supplies (boots, IOU pa for the bubble fluid! hehe..). even our magician came from hubby’s friend, whose wife is now an established party planner (http://partyboosters.multiply.com).

as the big day drew near, we were a bit worried about a few details. first was the weather, as it had been raining on and off the few days prior to our party. would we need to rent tents? we decided to trust in God to give us good weather, and guess what? though there was a moment around lunchtime when the skies darkened, not a drop of rain fell. yey for our garden party!

second detail to worry about was the lack of manpower. on the day itself, hubby was feeling the heat as he struggled to put up buffet tables, arrange sets of tables and chairs, and see to other details. but i shouldn’t have worried: the bugoys (daniel, joshua, sam and david) all pitched in and the tables and chairs were set up. ate berl had all the pretty centerpieces done in ample time. ate bing’s yummy dishes were already prepped. also, i woke up early to inflate and string up the 100 balloons for the decor, and was pleasantly surprised to find that our helper’s son was already there to help me out with that task.

all in all, it was an extremely long, tiring day. if i were to compare the two parties (franco’s and chesca’s), franco’s birthday celebration was by far the easier one to pull off. but the feeling of fulfillment was far greater with chesca’s party. there’s no greater compliment than to hear the laughter of guests, to see every tasty morsel devoured.  it felt great to see the kids watching the magic show with rapt attention, crying out with delight at every trick. i felt like i conquered everest as i heard my friends joke around, as the guests ooh-ed and aah-ed over chesca’s party attire.

i’m so happy with the way things turned out. it was simple,  yet fun. and best of all is that everyone helped out, and for that i am so very grateful. so here’s the opportunity for me to thank you again: kudos to you for a job well done! through all your efforts, kind deeds and input, we felt how very much you love our little fairy princess checha. thank you, thank you, thank you. you know who you are.

again, happy happy birthday to our little princess chesca. we love you very much!

little fairy chesca